Chapter Thirty-Seven

"I'm borrred." Josh groaned from his upside-down spot on the couch. Rain fell in heavy sheets outside the window, leaving us stuck inside. At least it was a pretty view.

"Nothin' I can do about it." I shrugged, laying my hands softly on my stomach. Josh righted himself, crossing his legs.

"Have you thought of any names? Cause I know of one." He smiled. "Starts with a J."

"I'm not naming my kid after you, you weirdo." I smacked his head lightly. He chuckled but then quickly turned serious.

"Vinnie, what about him?"

"Who?" I said blankly.

"The father? You said the breakup was nasty." Josh said, his face full of concern. "What if he wants custody or something to do with the baby?"

"Well, he won't know them. He doesn't even know of them." I looked away. He sighed.

"I'll be here though." He was forcing a smile, I could tell.

"I know Josh." 

"Good." He reached for my foot and pulled it into his lap. Shifting to face him, I smiled again.

"So my lady, what are we doing today?" 

"Having depressing conversations." I raised an eyebrow.

"Nope. We are going to have fun. And happy conversations." Josh nodded. "Now, back to names..."
I rolled my eyes and slouched into the sofa.
"I don't know, I haven't thought about it." I pulled my foot away and stared out the window. A short silence dragged on, broken only by the smattering of the rain on the roof. Josh stood up and held out his hand for me. I stood up and took it tentatively.

 "Follow me, I want to show you something." Josh said, leading me over to the back door. The door squealed as he wrenched it open and rain showered the pavement, splashing coldly onto my bare legs.
"Outside?" I glanced down at my feet.
"Afraid of the rain Vinnie?" Josh teased, stepping outside.
"No." I mumbled, reluctantly following him. His grip on my hand was tight but soft. We reached the back of the house, right next to the cliff that dropped off to the road and beyond that the ocean. Fog concealed most of the view.

 "What did you want to show me?" I asked, wincing as the cold raindrops struck my head. Josh let go of my hand and turned to face me more.
"I mean, the view is pretty and all but it's wet and cold." His silence wasn't very reassuring. In fact, he looked nervous. Josh shoved his hands into his pockets, blinking away the water from his eyes.
"I wanted to tell you that..." He trailed off a bit, rocking on his heels.
"Tell me what Josh?" I pressed. My toes were freezing on the wet grass. "I'm very sure hypothermia isn't good for pregnant women."
"I just...this might explain better." He said at last.
"What?" I shivered. Josh leaned down and kissed me before I could say anything else.

 It took me by surprise to say the least. I was too shocked to push him away or kiss back for a few seconds. He pulled away but only by an inch. I could feel his hesitation of whether to kiss me again or apologize and back away.
"Josh-" I started to say, but he put both hands on waist and pulled me close again, kissing me eagerly and I instinctively put my arms around his neck.

 I lost myself in the moment; with my eyes closed I felt like I was back home, kissing someone totally different. Josh jogged me back to reality, his hand sliding up the back of my shirt and kissing my neck. He picked me up and I pulled away for some air.

 In an instant the rain had stopped and a different boy was holding me. My hands were tangled in black hair, not red. And gold eyes gazing hungrily into mine, not blue. I ran my thumbs across the face, relief washing over my body. I wasn't kissing Josh, it was Reece. For all I knew everything had been a dream up to know. Reece's hot breath was on my cheek and I closed my eyes, savoring the moment.
"Vinnie?" Josh's voice appeared and my eyes opened.

 Dream-Reece disappeared and I was being held by Josh. The realization sunk in fast and hard and pushed myself out of his arms. I felt like crying. What am I doing? I thought, horrified. Confusion was plastered across Josh's wet face.
"What? Are you not a neck-kiss kinda girl?" He joked. Wrong, wrong, wrong! I stepped away from him, my stomach twisting.

"I can't do this." I half-whispered.

"Hm?" Josh said.

"I'm sorry Josh. Now...now is not the time." I said. Hurt flashed in his eyes.

"But when? When will be the time?" He stepped forward and I stepped back. "I like you Vinnie. I like you a lot. But you're still hung up on this other guy? Some boyfriend you got knocked up by and then broke up with before he even knew you were pregnant?"

"It's not like that Josh."

"Vinnie I know you're younger than me but I really think there's something between us." Josh pleaded. I sighed and started to head back into the house.

"Maybe there is Josh, But now is not the time to explore it." I said bitterly, retreating quickly to my room.